What do women want?

THIS IS AN EXTRACT FROM 'MAN OVER-BOARD'. THE FULL TEXT IS AVAIL-ABLE IN THE FIRST POST OF THIS BLOG.

A woman wants many things, but most of all she wants to be in love. Not just loved. She wants a man to feel passionate about her. Women want to know the passion of love everyday… to know they are loved completely and entirely.

For women everything they do is an expression of love. Shopping, cooking, planning holidays, thinking about redecorating… all become acts of love because they see them as nurturing. And they interpret your actions as acts of love. Forget to put out the garbage? You don’t love her enough. Taking time to get around to the lawn? It’s because you don’t care enough. Haven’t replaced those light globes that are out…. ? Etc. You get the drift.

That’s not to say you should do everything she tells you to without considering your own needs. There’s a period of self-denial while you re-win her trust. But self-denial can mean you lose yourself and lose interest in her if it goes on. After the balance of justice’s scales has been restored in her mind, you just need to continually demonstrate you care about her and love her deeply. She’ll forgive many failings if she knows your heart is in the right place.

There are two fundamental things a woman wants from you to prove your love: attentiveness and intimacy.

WHAT WOMEN WANT #1: Attentiveness: If you’re not interested in her enough to notice her and show an interest in her, it’s hard to fake it. You’ll never make it. If the bitterness of Gridlock makes it hard, see “Reawakening the Passion” in Man Overboard. I am assuming you truly love her and that she is the most important thing in your life.

Attentiveness means simply paying attention – being aware of her most of the time, and letting her know in little ways. (See “Wooing your woman everyday” in Man Overboard.)

WHAT WOMEN WANT #2: Intimacy: A woman also wants intimacy. This can be hard for a man not used to talking about his feelings. It means making yourself vulnerable – open to be hurt. All it takes is guts, the courage you use everyday to make a living. I have no easy solution to this intimacy stuff: Your challenge is to become an expert on your feelings and an expert on exposing them. Here’s a simple formula: Think about how things make you feel and tell yourself in simple words about it. Then start by making simple statements to your wife about how you feel about her and how it makes you feel when you fight.
(NB. This is not an invitation to unload criticism and negativity. Bite your tongue. Honesty is not the best policy when it comes to criticism and negativity. Don't give in to the self-indulgence of 'speaking your mind', no matter what she says. You'll discover why I recommend this if you ignore my advice.)

“For a marriage to have any chance, every day at least six things should go unsaid.” - Unknown]

It takes guts to open up and risk ridicule. Don’t worry – she won’t laugh at you if you are obviously sincere. She’ll be confused and curious, most likely. If she does react badly, this is no reflection on you. It’s her problem. She’s been hurt badly and needs patience. Hang in there. Keep it up. You should wear her down. Trust is the key. Trust can take time to win back. But you’ve got the guts to do the hard yards.
This intimacy stuff can be harrowing, but it gets better with time. And it makes sex amazing when she gets comfortable enough with you to share sex fantasies and vice versa. It removes her most powerful weapon: wanting to talk about her feelings and your relationship. Up until now, if she wanted to put you on the back foot at any time she could spring that one you. But get comfortable with it and you are back on top. It makes the temporary discomfort worth it a million per cent.

[“Your purpose is not to survive but to express every grain of passion that love arouses in you.” - Deepak Chopra]

American love expert Barbara De Angelis says there are 3 secret needs every woman has:

They need to feel safe
They need to feel connected.
They need to feel valued.

I reckon a woman can feel all three if they experience attentiveness and intimacy.

(PS> Pictured is my daughter Jessica displaying the modern female's attitude to males who promise them romance - attentiveness and intimacy - and who don't deliver. She doesn't know I've posted this pic and if she finds out I'm up the creek*. With her is a young American friend whom she met on the Japanese Government-sponsored Ship For Peace which took 200+ Japanese young people and 200+ young people from a dozen different countries on a 2-month journey throughout Asia-Pacific, brainstorming solutions to global problems like world peace and environmental degradation. So if you know her, please don't tell her she's on my blog or she'll tell my daughter and I'll cop hell.)

*"Up the creek" might be an Australianism, a cleaned up version of 'up s--- creek in a barbed wire canoe without a paddle.' I'll check it out and get back to you.