The Language of Opposite Meanings

Here is a definition of the Language of Opposite Meanings: “When one partner says something, the other partner often hears the opposite meaning.”

When she is nagging you and criticising you – when everything you do is wrong – she is actually saying “I don’t trust that you care for me and protect me. Please care for me and love me. I love you.” The male, however, usually hears: “You are hopeless. You are not a good husband/boyfriend/lover. I really made a mistake picking you. I don’t love you.” He in turn, unable to take the pain of the woman he loves attacking him, retreats – into the garage, down to the club, behind the newspaper, or into the office, immersing himself in work and career or taking a second job. By his retreat he is telling her in male language that he loves her and needs to feel loved, but she gets the opposite message. She feels as though he is pushing her away.

So while both of you are saying “I love you and want you to love me” each is getting the message from the other “I don’t care about you.”

(This is an extract from Man Overboard.)