"Women are the problem" is a cop out

Blaming women is copping out.
Blaming women is very Biblical. Adam was the first man to blame a woman for his own weakness. (See Genesis 3:12)

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Alan Barron kindly cast his eye over the manuscript of Man Overboard (at Warwick Marsh's invitation), then revealed the central thesis of his new book Responsible Manhood... As I read his critique I became more dismayed that Alan is firmly in the camp of males who blame women for problems between the sexes. Alan said the following:
"I don't have time to read it in depth. But a cursory glance of it would seem to indicate that men have the problem(s) and women seem to have little to be concerned with in terms of their contribution to rebuilding a marriage. I guess this is because you have directed your book at men, and not addressed issues which women should face up to.
"In my book Responsible Manhood, I look at men, sexuality and the popularity of porn. So why is porn so popular? There must be a lot of frustrated men out there, who for the most part would be married, or in some sort of a relationship with a woman. So, why are these guys online looking for sexual titillation? Is it any wonder porn is a huge billion-dollar industry? So why do so many men feel the need to use it?
"I firmly believe if a wife is meeting her husband's sexual needs, that this will satisfy him, and prevent the craving to want to pursue sexual titillation. This raises the prospect that many women are not totally fulfilling their man's sexual needs in marriage.
[My comment: How many of these men are seducing their wives, wooing them, earning their sexual favours? Or do many men simply climb into bed and expect sex as their right of marriage? How many of them shower and shave before approaching their wives? Or is she offered sweaty stubble and beer breath? Men whose women feel unloved dont "get" much sex for one reason: it is because they are unattractive.]
"Also, today most of the emphasis is on meeting a woman's expectations - emotional and physical. This expectation has undoubtedly influenced the attitudes of many Christian women. This is fine as far as it goes, but what of the husband's expectations? One of the husband's expectations is that his wife will meet his sexual needs, which I think is a reasonable expectation." [My comment: That is the expectation you could have of a prostitute. But even a prostitute can choose her clients. A woman who is treated as a WIFE (Washing, Ironing, F---ing, Etc.) may find it hard to feel aroused.]
"Often if a husband does ask his wife to try a new position, or to try oral sex, and she takes offence, then most men don't bother to pursue the matter. So frustration begins to build deep down inside him. This can lead to bottling up of his sexual needs. Feelings of resentment begin to rise to the point where it finds expression in outbursts of anger over trivial matters which ordinarily would have not bothered him." [My comment: A man does not have the unrestrained right to have his way in sexual relations. The word is "relations". Relationships are about building trust, sharing, fidning common ground. Any man who acts in such a petulant way when a woman is not inclined to perform a sex act is exhibiting a schoolboy's level of maturity. Love is not about "getting". It's about "giving". "Making love" to a woman is, first and foremost, about creating a loving feeling. How often have our unsuccessful Romeos said he words "I love you" or noticed what she is wearing or how she has done her hair.]

Alan continues: "What does the Bible have to say about this? Men are told to love their wives as themselves. What is love? Love is patient, it is kind, endures all things, and is not happy with evil. Love never gives up, is not ill mannered or selfish or irritable, nor does it keep a record of wrongs (1 Cor 13: 4 - 7). A woman is told to respect and submit to her husband. Submission cannot be forced; it must be a voluntary act by the woman out of love for her husband and submission to the authority of Scripture.
"The Apostle Peter agrees with Paul. In First Peter, Chapter 3, verses 1 - 7, the apostle outlines the Scriptural pattern for both women and men. He encourages women to be submissive to their own husbands, not to adorn the outward body but to acquire inner beauty and to have a "gentle and quiet spirit."
"The one thing you can't help noticing about the modern liberated woman is that she seldom possesses a 'gentle and quiet spirit.' This is the way, says the apostle, how women of old made themselves beautiful. He stresses the submissive attitude the Godly woman should have and goes on to say the wife should do "what is right and not to give way to fear." Submission then is made from a standpoint of love and respect, which casts out fear.
"Men for their part the apostle says they are to be considerate of their wives and treat them with respect "as the weaker partner," which indicates that the husband should assume leadership of his family and seek to lead it in the way of peace, love, truth, righteousness and justice."
[My comment: I have met more weak men than weak women. Most women are strong. They've always been strong, and if they are asssertive today it's because they have not been 'husbanded' - loved. Paul says husbands should love their wives as they love themselves. That means, focus on her needs as much as on your own. And her basic need is to feel loved, everyday. Men who fail in their duty as lovers deserve everything they get. The very act of trying to assert control of women by appealing to Scripture is an admission of weakness in men. Authority and loyalty are earned in relationships, not conferred.]

More in a later blog...