Why men won't talk about it

THE MYTH OF THE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR REVEALS THE SECRET TO SUCCESS IN RELATIONSHIPS FOR MEN.
I received many requests for the book after our story was published in That's Life magazine. Most were from women and many had the same problem - they weren't able to talk to their partners about the problems in their relationships. In some cases it strated with a traumatic experience, like the death of a child. He closes down. Shuts off. Won't talk.
Now I am not a counsellor or a psychiatrist. But I am a man. And I can give you a few insights.
Men don't talk because it hurts. We have no words to say, no language we can use. All we have are feelings. Women can talk about their feelings easily and they can't understand why we can't. It's not that we don't want to. We just can't. Whether we're born tounge-tied or society makes us that way, that's how we are. If she wants to talk about "us", he knows he's on a hiding to nothing. No matter what he says, he'll be wrong. So why open your mouth? Just hunker down until it passes over. She interprets his reaction as "I don't care for you" when in reality it means "I can't cope. I love you but I can't take the pain of another one way conversation that always has me in the wrong."
Now what can we do with a man who refuses to talk? First, don't punish him. He will start to associate "talking" with punishment. Instead, make him feel secure. Tell him you love him, that you don't want to harass him or make him feel uncomfortable.
THE DRAGON MUST BE FACED AND VANQUISHED BEFOR THE MAIDEN CAN BE FREE
TO GIVE HER HEART. Try the Empathy Exercise: try to 'walk a mile in his shoes'; try to feel what it's like being him. It's very different to yuor life.
If you truly love him, empathy and compassion shouldn't be hard. (All through this exercise you should remember: you love this person. Let love direct your steps.)
Monitor your language - listen to your tone of voice. What is he hearing - a carping, accusing, moaning, complaining, bitchy version of the beautiful creature he fell in love with? Would you respond positively to that? No.
If everything mentioned so far fails, you might need to take drastic action: Have sex with him. ("Men need to have sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to have sex.") Remember, he feels insecure. He might be more open to talking after sex.
Now that's one approach to him - I would respond to this sort of treatment, I think.
But there's another aspect of this: He has a responsibility to do the hard yards and learn to speak his heart. It's a central part of the love contract - "I share me with you and you with me". Guys can't be allowed to shelter behind a 'weak male' syndrome. Life is about challenge. Growing. That's what being a male is about. Our ancient myths tell us this truth. The knight in shining armor who slays the dragon and frees the maiden and wins her heart is simply a myth story. The knight is the man, the maiden is his wife or partner, and the dragon is his ego. It threatens the maiden and must be vanquished by the male before he can be worthy of the maiden's hand.
My book - Man Overboard: A Self Defence Courfse For Men In Marriage - attempts to give men the language they need to understand and respond to their women's need to talk about "us". More work needs to be done in this area.
Guys, I have found that staying on the front foot makes like so much easier. Make the woman feel loved by your attentions and your actions. She won't need to talk about "us" all the time. And when she does, she'll be in a better mood. She'll feel secure in your love, buddy.
But, Ladies, he has to move in the right direction - or else. Or else you are faced with a decision - stay or go.