Who are you calling 'submissive'?

I found the following on a blog called “Yes, I'm a submissive man!” (I lifted the illustration to show you.)
This blog describes itself as “The online journal and insights of an evolved, respectful submissive man in Portland, Oregon. I hope to encourage thoughtful Female-friendly discussion of the benefits of Female Led Relationships as well as celebrate and discuss the Dominant Female/submissive male dynamic in relationships and society. All are welcome.”

It had this article on it about submissive guys – which is possibly how I come across in Man Overboard (thanks to the strategy of radical surrender). But I’m not naturally submissive. So to clear this up, I am running the item I found plus my comment that I left on the blogsite:

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The Five Levels of Matriarchal Marriage

by Michael Blanc

A marriage does not take place in isolation. It is a social understanding that involves not just the couple involved, but family, friends, workmates and all members of the social system.

Because of this, there is an extraordinary amount of pressure to conform to patriarchal traditions. The threat of losing the support of family, losing friends and perhaps even a job (though no employer would blatantly admit that this may have influenced them) is a ponderous weight that results in many couples simply caving in to the pressure.

The net result of this is that a huge percentage of married couples that are in female-led relationships are not formally acknowledged or identified as such by the larger culture. These couples can be categorized in at least five disparate groups.

Level 1. The first group is composed of couples that have come to an informal -almost jocular - acknowledgement of their relative positions within the relationship. You'll often hear older men refer to "checking things out with the boss." In such relationships the reality of the power structure in the marriage is camouflaged behind a guise of good humor, and is accepted as a joke by others around them.

Level 2. A second group is "yes dear" group that includes passive men and dominant women who quietly go about their marriage without much fuss or the raising of eyebrows by others. In both of the first two groups there is a conspiracy of silence between the wife and the husband, so that the issue of power dynamics is never really dealt with at a conscious level. Problems come up, decisions are made and the couple goes about their lives with a quiet understanding of their roles, but with no formal discussion of them. In another time, men in such relationships were mocked for being "henpecked", yet ironically, such couples were often well matched and their marriages were quite stable and enduring.

Level 3. A third group (of which my wife Lori and I are a part) is comprised of couples that are able to honestly discuss the disparity in their respective roles, and acknowledge in the privacy of their homes the primacy of the wife in the decision making role. Once this private reality is accepted and a covenant is made, it begins to open the door to a new realm of previously unchallenged sex roles at the dinner table, in the car, in daily household chores and--yes--in the bedroom as well.

Level 4. A fourth group includes couples that have come to an understanding of their female-led relationships and have had the courage to reveal its nature beyond the private confines of the home. One would likely begin to find men here who have taken their wives surnames in marriage. In this group there is no attempt made to hide or deceive others regarding the nature of the relationship, but neither is there any attempt to confront cultural norms by flagrantly and vocally disclosing information that might otherwise be kept private. Couples in this group do not shy away from disclosing truth, but usually haven't the time to deal with the battles that confrontation might bring.

Level 5. The fifth group is only now emerging, as is evidenced by the new Venus On Top book and Venus On Top Society online community. These are couples that are willing to invest the time and effort to advance the cause of female-led relationships for others for whom this is right. It can be an exhausting task and may at times seem all consuming, but it's probably a necessary step to make this vision of a new world a reality.

As a psychiatric social worker, I've often had the occasion to counsel couples who are struggling with a culturally expected gender roles, yet find it's a poor fit for them given the realities of their personalities.

Currently, even the more modern social ideal of the 50/50 relationship is probably only workable for about 60% of married couples. For another 20% - the traditionalists - a male-led relationship might be appropriate and should be accepted by the greater society. At the other end of the spectrum is the neglected or ignored 20% that is only now beginning to be the source of discussion.
The Venus On Top Society is rendering an incalculable service to those who have struggled long to deal with themselves, their marriages, and cultural dictates that are so opposed to everything that is so right for them.

MY COMMENT

I discovered the way to repair a damaged marriage and pull mine back from the brink of divorce was total submission - complete surrender to the woman. However unlike your 5 typologies, the dynamic shifts as the repair takes place and she learns she can trust me. Absolute surrender, compete unilateral forgiveness, and then unrelenting wooing were the three strategies I employed, and with dramatic effect. WOMEN must have sovereignty in a relationship, not necessarily all the power. They enjoy being swept off their feet by a masculine man, ravished, the placed back on a pedestal, not back in the laundry or the kitchen. This isn't a modern development. There's a celtic myth about the hag or princess by night or by day who decided, because the knight (who was being forced to marry her) had given her the right to choose, to be a princess by night and by day. It's magic. All women become princesses when they are given sovereignty, and they then free the knight to live his life in relative freedom, so long sa he remebers who set him free and wins her hand and her heart every day. I have written a bit of a book about it and it's available free on my blog http://manoverboardbook.blogspot.com. It's called Man Overboard: A Self Defense Course For Men In Marriage. It helps the traditional male realise it was never going to last. It helps the 50:50 get back to square after the inevitable explosion and it justifies the submissive male and reveals the heroism of his choice. More than mere survival, he has recognised the joy, not oof submissiveness as weakness, but of the submission of his personal interests to the interests of the woman he loves. The sublimation of ego through love. Love begets love. Submission begets submission. Loves gyroscope spins. Love is the only form of energy that can be created or destroyed. I'm for creative submission._And so is she.__Michael Kiely