Marry the girl, stupid
It is fashionable to move in together without going thru the traditional route of dating, going steady, engagement, then marriage and honeymoon before sharing the matrimonial bed as well as the domestic chores. I did it. The vast majority of young people do it. It has become the norm.
It is a kind of ‘try before you buy’ routine, but it doesn’t work. It hasn’t reduced the divorce rate. That keeps rising. Not that I advocate the traditional route, either.
I do know this: a defacto relationship can drift along and never get to the altar. The guy might assume that the girl is content with the arrangement, because he is. But she’s not.
Very few women are content with a low-commitment relationship. Women want demonstrations of love. Women also want security. Women want marriage.
Don’t assume that because she is not nagging you to name the day, she isn’t secretly yearning for it. She is.
Going thru a ceremony is not just bullshit. It changes the way you think about each other. That’s what ceremonies are for – shifting your consciousness from one stage in your life to another. I married the first time to help a friend get into the country. It was an immigration marriage. (Don’t ask me how it came to that – it’s a long story. I will tell it in a future blog.) My relationship with the friend changed from one of general friendship to a special caring. Nothing changed except that we had been thru a ceremony and a fantastic, fun party afterwards.
Marriage sends an important message to friends, family and the world that the two of you have something greater than mere attachment. But more important - the ceremony of marriage sends an important message to your girl. It says "You are the one I am committed to go on this journey with. You are the one out of all the others that I want to spend my time with. You are the one." When she truly believes that... and I believe most married women don't feel that message coming from their husbands... when she believes that she will open like a flower and shower blessings upon you and delight you in every way.
If you value your woman and want to keep her by your side, then propose to her. Be as corny as you can. She will love you for it.
It is a kind of ‘try before you buy’ routine, but it doesn’t work. It hasn’t reduced the divorce rate. That keeps rising. Not that I advocate the traditional route, either.
I do know this: a defacto relationship can drift along and never get to the altar. The guy might assume that the girl is content with the arrangement, because he is. But she’s not.
Very few women are content with a low-commitment relationship. Women want demonstrations of love. Women also want security. Women want marriage.
Don’t assume that because she is not nagging you to name the day, she isn’t secretly yearning for it. She is.
Going thru a ceremony is not just bullshit. It changes the way you think about each other. That’s what ceremonies are for – shifting your consciousness from one stage in your life to another. I married the first time to help a friend get into the country. It was an immigration marriage. (Don’t ask me how it came to that – it’s a long story. I will tell it in a future blog.) My relationship with the friend changed from one of general friendship to a special caring. Nothing changed except that we had been thru a ceremony and a fantastic, fun party afterwards.
Marriage sends an important message to friends, family and the world that the two of you have something greater than mere attachment. But more important - the ceremony of marriage sends an important message to your girl. It says "You are the one I am committed to go on this journey with. You are the one out of all the others that I want to spend my time with. You are the one." When she truly believes that... and I believe most married women don't feel that message coming from their husbands... when she believes that she will open like a flower and shower blessings upon you and delight you in every way.
If you value your woman and want to keep her by your side, then propose to her. Be as corny as you can. She will love you for it.
posted by Michael Kiely at 8:44 pm
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