"Love makes you selfish"

"Love makes you selfish." These are the words of Caitlan Roberts, an accountant, who walked out on her husband and children to live with another man, a friend's husband who she met at their childrens' swimming club. The new man, David, said if he had to leave his chidlren, she had to leave hers as well. So she did.
He marriage wasn't bad - "You get to the stage of thinking: if I don't have passionate feeligns any more it's because I'm 45. I'm older now and I have kids growing up and that's the way thing shappen. Then you meet someone and something clicks," she said. The Telegraph of London article reports: "Their feelings for each other were so powerful that she knew she would have to leave her husband."
Caitlan suffered from the separation from her children, but she did it "for love".
The experts say Caitlan is a modern woman, like so many others, lured by the possibilities of alternative lives. Women, say the experts, have higher expectations of personal fulfilment. They are acting like men, they say, in walking away from their families to find happiness elsewhere.
Was Caitlan wrong? No she wasn't. Love makes you do strange things.
Caitlan's husband was the culprit. Caitlan is a woman. Women want to be in love, all the time. They are love machines. When they are not in love, they feel out of whack.
Caitlan's husband, a GP, was not truly engaged with his wife, so he left her unprotected and open to an approach from another man. A woman can't be in love with two men at the same time. So, in these days of women's high expectations, she'd better be in love with you or else she's hanging in the breeze and available.
And if you think "She'll never leave me, she's got too much to lose," think about this: Love makes people do very strange things. Love is a form of madness.
My advice: have a love affair with your wife running every day.

Don't do it, even if she wants it

She may have put the hard word on you. You may have had too much to drink. You never intended it to happen. The whammo! It's over. You've done it. Your wife will never know. But you will. And it chips away at the intimacy between you. Undermines your certainty. Puts a flaw in the perfect crystal of your affair with your wife.
Oh, it's no use blaming your wife. If she'd only been more willing to... It's up to you to seduce her. And it's no use blaming the other woman. There are thousands of lonely women having sex with married men to get some attention.
And it's no use blaming yourself. Blame gets no one anywhere and anyone nowhere.
But there is only one person responsible for what you do: You. Do something about it.
Develop strategies to avoid it. Work on your relationship so that your wife is so happy she'll have sex with you anytime. (That is patently impossible, but it is something to aspire to.) You can give that lonely girl attention without bonking her. Mostly they just want to talk and share some intimate secret with someone. To give her the right signal, talk about your wife enthusiastically. Good luck!

How to get more sex when you want it

My research tells me that 9 out of 10 men want more sex than their wives, and the 1 out of 10 who don't are dead.

It's easy to tell when she's not in the mood, because it's most of the time. You can accept that or do something about it. Like changing her mood. Sounds hard, but it's not.

Step 1: Change your approach. Instead of thrusting your crutch lump against her and growling like an animal, use your brains. Think. She's a woman. She is different. She gets aroused in a different way. Men get turned on without much stimulation, women take longer. Most women need some attention and some romance to get in the mood.

Sex is fun, so try starting out just having some fun together. Laughter. A romp. Tickling. A pillow fight. The experts say this can often lead to serious sex.

Stpe 2. Don't be crude. A rough approach can be a turn-off. "Hey babe, look at this. Let's use it." No go. This type of impersonal come-on usually fails.

Step 3. Make her feel wanted. Ie. make her feel you want her, not just her body. Try saying something like: "The warmth of your body and the fragrance of your hair make me go weak at the knees." "Your skin is so soft, I could stroke it forever." "When I wake up beside you in the mornings I want to just fall into your arms."

Step 4. Put in the ground work. Prove to her you think of her often, by bringing her little gifts. You'll be surprised how often this changes her moods.

Step 5. Pay attention to timing. She will have her rhythms. When she's worried or stressed, suggest a back massage or a foot massage. But don't push for sex. Help her with her chores to take the weight off her shoulders. Help her clear the decks. Help her get in the zone. Sometimes you just gotta wait.

Step 6. Focus on full-body love. Women dont want the first touch to be on the breast or the genitals. They want to be stroked all over. A gentle caress on the back or placing you hands around her waist... it pays to know what she finds erotic and romantic.

Step 7. Set the atmosphere. Most women need to feel relaxed to want sex. They don't want to be worried about anything. So take care of it. Make sure it's private. Make sure its relaxed. Make sure she feels secure. Cook a meal. Have candles. Just the two of you. Music she likes. And flowers. Make it memorable. And try to average a romantic 'incident' like this once every month or so. It will carry you though the month and create opportunities for sex.

Step 8. Ask her what puts her in the mood. As you become more intimate she'll open up. She might like taking a long walk, showering together or massage.

Whatever it takes is whatever it takes. If you want sex, you have got to work for it. Like the old song says, "Try a little tenderness."

Why we men are always wrong...

Spent the weekend with Deepak Chopra. He made this outrageous statement: Men in western society are stuck at the emotional maturity level of 8 year olds. We're all little boys needing our mamas. If this is true, and I believe it was true in my case until the light went on, men are responsible for the failure of most relationships.
Hold on, that's a bit harsh, isn't it? Well no. Men are hardwired to be bad at relationships and women are hardwired to be good at them. It all started back in the wild days when we were hunters and the hunted. Men were warriors and could not afford compassion and softer feelings. Women kept the social units together by networking. Men learned how to kill big, dangerous animals and destroy enemies. Women were nurturers of children and their protectors, the men.
After we emerged from the jungle and settled down to civilised life - when there was less call for killing and more time for relationships - emotional skills became more important than physical skills.
Men found they have underdeveloped skills in this area. Their heads are still in the jungle, fighting and killing and destroying, thinking this is what their woman wants. It's tough because women do want the traditional protector and provider (they don't need them as much, but they like to know they're there). But they want a soul mate now.
This means men have to sheath the sword of the ego and learn the tender arts of surrender. Easy to say, hard to do. WHY?
One word; ego. Men have lots of it. Men build the big towering buildings and invent the amazing inventions and fly to the moon and paint the great masterpieces... because they feel the need to, because they are driven by ego to express their dominance and achievement.
EGO is the great enemy of relationship, love, and spiritual growth. When EGO rules, the conscious mind needs three things, according to Deepak: It has a need for Approval. It needs to be in Control. And it needs to be Right.
Living without these things takes more guts than fighting and killing and doing all those things that come naturally.
It takes guts to love a woman, to love anyone. Because love is painful. Because love makes the EGO do things it doesn't want to do.
HERE IS AN EXERCISE: Keep an eye on your reactions this next week. Try to catch yourself seeking APPROVAL. Try to catch yourself needing to be in CONTROL. Try to catch yourself needing to be RIGHT.

Just say it!

Mark Twain was a wise man. He once said this:

"If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the counter when the market is just right, they would bring matters around the way they wish them much oftener than they usually do. Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base metal; she will not even bite it to see if it is good; all she notices is the size of it, not the quality."

Helen Rowland looks at the same phenomenon from a different direction:

"Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll go to sleep before you finish saying it."