Even more sure fire tactics of love

• BUTLER - My son’s very beautiful and very observant girlfriend pointed out to my wife that I have become her butler. I make it a practice to bring her a cup of tea in bed in the mornings, and slice some fruit if we have any fresh, or juice some vegetables, whatever is available. I make her favourite poached eggs once or twice a week. And I have learned how to cook her favourite dish: lamb roast. I consciously put myself out to fetch things for her when I see her about to get up and get them for herself. I do it because I enjoy it and it feels good. And it is part of my “walking the talk” strategy. I stumbled onto it by sheer luck. My wife tripped and damaged her sciatic nerve, soon after my conversion. She was bed ridden for a week and needed to be chauffeured everywhere. I became her arms and legs for a few weeks, a good start for my campaign to win her heart.

• MASSAGE – This is the best relationship mender I can think of. It started for us when my wife’s damaged sciatic nerve left her in great pain. And has continued ever since. Feet, calves, thighs, buttocks, back, shoulders, neck, arms, hands, and that’s it. One rule: no sex afterwards unless she initiates it. It is not a trade for sex. She must feel no pressure, so she can enjoy the massage completely relaxed throughout. This might seem hard on the male masseur, but I find the joy of touching her body satisfying in itself. The physical closeness is what sex is mainly about. Fixation on orgasm is blocking lovers from the full enjoyment of sex, anyway. Sex catches up to you eventually and it is better for the wait. And what better way to demonstrate your love than by denying yourself the most basic urge. She knows what it means. I massage her twice or three times a week. I tell her what a privilege it is and how I get as much from it as she does. It won’t work if she feels guilty. You might have trouble getting her to agree at first. Keep trying. Start with only a foot massage. As she grows to trust you, it will develop.